The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
