I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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