i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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