Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
