i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
