Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
