Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
