i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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