im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Randomize
