Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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