I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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