And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
