nut hugger
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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