Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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