Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think I died a long time ago.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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