You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
