it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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