I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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