That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
