what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
