if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
