At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
