I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
