So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
