the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
