Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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