Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
