he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
