Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just had sex on a roof
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
