Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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