I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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