i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
