it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
