she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
