i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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