I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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