I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
