she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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