PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize