I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I want to make a zoo with you.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
