forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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