those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
