I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
