and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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