On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
