I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he puts the penis in happiness.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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