You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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