I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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