I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
