I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
