But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
