Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
