i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize