If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
