So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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