I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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