i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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