I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
