Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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