He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize