Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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