My hair reeks of homosexuality.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
