I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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