I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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