She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
