My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
