a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
