The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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