i was born a porn star she said
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
