Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
